Bang and Whimper

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday dear Michael
Happy Birth… oh, whatever.

NP: The Trash Can Sinatras, The Genius I Was

I’ve been meaning for months to put up a link to Wil Wheaton’s site. You may remember Wil as one of the kids from Stand By Me, or as Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation, but it turns out that nowadays ol’ Uncle Willie keeps himself extra busy by, among other things, maintaining his own website. And it also turns out that Wil Wheaton is one cool kid. Seriously. Check out the site and tell me he isn’t farking cool.

NP: Stars, The Aspidistra Flies

What a drag. I’m finally feeling up to some real physical activity after having surgery on my shoulder/back on Tuesday, so my roommate and I went to the gym today to do a bit of climbing at the wall (I was looking forward to trying out my new harness). As luck (ever my friend) would have it, the wall was closed. It was also closed last weekend, so I haven’t done any climbing in over a week. My strength is waning, I’m beginning to lose my balance, my focus, my fearlessness, and all those qualities I have been cultivating to make me the ultimate climbing machine I was last week before the surgery. Now, I’m sure, I’m back to being a novice.

I popped up to NYC Friday to see a good friend who’s getting married in June. She lives in England now, but was on a layover on her way back to Colorado, where the wedding will occur. I drove into the city Friday morning and miraculously found parking on 57th St. We tooled around Central Park for an hour or two and walked down to the Russian Vodka Room. It wasn’t open yet, so we had some coffee and a cannoli at a non-Starbucks™ (dear lard, Starbucks™ is everywhere in NYC!) to pass the time. We then had some deliciously wonderful flavored vodkas at the ol’ RVR and called it a day. And what a day it was…I love NYC.

NP: Belle and Sebastian, If You’re Feeling Sinister

Well, it’s shaping up to be a wonderful day. After having a delicious breakfast at Pete’s Grill [ed: all that is Good in Baltimore embodied in a greasy spoon], my good friend and I wandered around the farmers’ market, buying baguettes from the French woman and delicious dried fruit rolls. Why is it that in America one has to find a French baker to get decent bread?

We then drove downtown a bit to the wonderful Charles Theater to watch a noon showing of The Wizard of Oz. It was great fun to finally see it on the big screen, in all its Technicolor™ glory, with the children laughing and crying (and switching back and forth with alarming rapidity), and a rather cute girl with a pixie laugh sitting in the next seat… But having seen the movie countless times before, I found myself from time to time paying too close attention to the technical details of the movie. When the Wicked Witch of the West leaves Munchkinland, the smoke machine and trap door are clearly visible. The wire holding up the Scarecrow: clearly visible. The wire controlling the Lion’s tail: clearly visible. The set paintings were clearly distinguishable from the foreground in a disconcerting lack of perspective continuity. And perhaps most disturbing were the words the “brainy” Scarecrow spews upon the conference of his diploma:

The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. Oh, joy, rapture! I’ve got a brain! How can I ever thank you enough?

Need I point out the distinct lack of brains displayed in such an utterance? Oh, but strangely enough, I now find myself amazed that such a poorly made movie could hold such magic for me as this one has since I first saw it, and love it all the more for it.

Now, I take a break to sip a cup of Irish tea and read a bit before heading out to wander through Spring Fair, Hopkins’ annual gathering of food and knick-knack vendors in an attempt to distract the locals from the dreariness of life in Baltimore. I picked up a new book two days ago: a psychological analysis and biography of Nietzsche, written by a woman to whom he once proposed marriage—Lou Salomé. I’m giddy with anticipation.

NP: Billy Bragg, The Only One

[Photo courtesy 3BP.com]

Sometimes I feel as if any turn I make will be a mistake. Sometimes I feel like running away to Monaco. Sometimes includes today.

NP: Monaco, What Do You Want From Me?

To people named Teague:

This is a (failed) test. My clever CSS idea wasn’t so clever. Quelle surprise! [ed: actually, it does work in compliant browsers]

To everyone who is not named Teague:
Ignore this update. You know, like you normally do.

NP: The Anniversary, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

I had my first BK Veggie™ from Burger King tonight. I ate in the dark (in my car), so I can’t speak authoritatively about the constitution of the veggie patty, but if I were to venture a guess, I’d bet that mushrooms and olives are about the only visually identifiable ingredients. In that respect, as well as in flavor, it closely resembles the Subway Veggie Max™ sandwich. Subway, however, asks you the customer how you would like the sandwich to be prepared. At Burger King, the default prep mode for the BK Veggie™ involves a rather large glob of mayonnaise to glue the top bun to the onions and tomatoes resting ever-so-peacefully atop the veggie patty. Who puts mayonnaise on a veggie burger? Doesn’t that defeat half the purpose of eating a veggie burger? And isn’t mayonnaise the most disgusting product that’s been passed off on the public as food, anyway? Seriously. One might as well just chew on bacon fat. They’re practically indistinguishable, except that bacon fat tastes better…

All that aside, I’d like to thank Burger King—not for trying to reduce their environmental footprint of destruction, not for caring about animal welfare (or human welfare! the Whopper is second only to the Big Mac for the World’s Worst Food Crime award)—but for acknowledging my existence and the existence of the millions of others like me who don’t eat meat. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a movie or TV show with an openly vegetarian character. I’m sure there have been some, but none comes to mind. SO I offer the very first JoAT.com Trivia Contest. The first person to email me with (verifiable) instances of both an American-made TV show and Hollywood movie in which a principal character was vegetarian will have a full day on JoAT.com devoted to their greatness. I’ll post praises, pictures, requests for money, etc. Think about it. And send your answers to Michael@jokeofalltrades.com. Good luck.

I’m feeling generous, so before I go to bed I will reveal to you the best source for old, used, rare and out-of-print books to be found on the ‘net: The Advanced Book Exchange. What a great service. I’ve ordered all sorts of books from around the world through the ABE; anytime I have found a book I wanted elsewhere (e.g., eBay, Amazon auctions), I’ve found it cheaper through ABE. You’re welcome. Good night.

NP: Alkaline Trio, Queen of Pain

Oh, so that’s what justifiable homicide means!

The best band in the world today is: the Alkaline Trio. They’ve (temporarily?) disabled .mp3 downloads, but you can get a few songs at their label’s page (along with songs from Operation Ivy, Screaching Weasel, the Mr. T Experience, and a ton of other great bands). Lookout! Records kicks all kinds of heine.

NP: Alkaline Trio, Hell Yes

I have added a login form to each newly designed page on the site below the [MENU] sidebox. I will be removing links to the separate email page as the page has become unnecessary and has always been quite an eyesore. I will keep the page up for a while still, in case you have it bookmarked, but it will be deleted in about a month. Please update bookmarks to the main page.

NP: VAST, I Don’t Have Anything

A few weeks ago, my brother Matthew published an article in the Boulder Daily Camera entitled Invisible In Boulder County that explores some issues faced by illegal Mexican immigrants working in Boulder. I highly recommend reading it, and not just because Matt’s my brother. It’s quite an interesting article.

Burger King is marketing a Veggie Burger!!! [editors note: I’d link to the BK site, but it’s SLOW, full of Flash crap with no text-based navigation, and has no information about their food products. What’s the point? HEY, BK, HIRE NEW WEB DESIGNERS. Incidently, I’m looking for a job.] Whodathunk? I’m betting they remove it from the menu within a month—any takers?

I had a good talk with a great friend today as we sweltered in the 90 degree heat. Thank you, Jacques.

NP: Candyflip, Wonderland