Happy Birthday, Mom!

We all know that Netscape 4 was a disaster. It claimed to have implemented CSS1 (at least partially), but failed miserably, even getting the parts they tried to implement horribly wrong. Today, I found a beautiful homage to the horrors of Netscape 4—in haiku.

A brief reminder: don’t forget the great document at “A List Apart” on the proper use of en-dashes, em-dashes and hyphens. But Michael, how can you praise proper typography when your own pages are typographical sinkholes and quagmires? Irony, anyone? Yes, but I’m aware of my failings, which makes me superior to all those other blog-trogs out there who go on making all the same mistakes I do without ever knowing about it. At least, I hope it does.

While we’re harping on the proper use of typographical symbols/objects, I should mention the Apostrophe Protection Society, a small organization dedicated to eradicating a certain despicable behavior. The abuse of the apostrophe (the punctuation symbol [Unicode U+2019, decimal #8217], not the grammatical entity) angers me as much as dangling modifiers. When I was in eighth grade, working on the Yearbook for Irving Junior High, I was silenced in my complaint that the winning yearbook design had the apostrophes on the wrong side of the dates. The theme was something like “Through the Decades” and had 80’s – 90’s on the cover rather than ’80s – ’90s. I still get flustered when I see that Yearbook.

Brad Choate is amazing. He’s got all sorts of MT goodies at his site. Don’t forget to look at the MTMacro plug-in, the MTAuthors plug-in, and the database stuff he does with his gaming pages. [Another MT plug-in essential: MT-search]

I’M NOT ALONE. Well, I might be, because I haven’t actually read this missive yet, but I will, and if it’s what I think it should be, it tells a story much like mine. It’s not a good story, but one to which I feel particularly attached.

FINAL NOTE: Kyle Fischer (with Caithlin De Marrais, whom I LURVE!) will be at the Ottobar tonight. Do not forget. Take earplugs, set alarm, and enjoy life for a few hours. [UPDATE—Caithlin wasn’t there. It was just Kyle and a portable CD player to provide drum loops. There were ten people in the crowd, including me—and the opening bands. Biggest. disappointment. EVER. —Ed.]

NP: Kyle Fischer, Just One More Day

Happy Birthday, Collin!

My new crack: Altoids Tangerine Sours. These things are good. What little hope my teeth had of surviving my middle age is gone. I am hooked.

Here’s the Altoids website, but it’s worthless. It’s completely Flashed out and has no mention of the Tangerine Sours. [UPDATE: As of 8/14/2002, the site now includes a section on the new Altoids Sours hard candy. It’s still all Flash and contains no useful product information, and doesn’t rescale to the size of your browser window, but the videos are mildly entertaining.—Ed.] However, Elle has a picture; you can buy them at Target or Trader Joe’s or lots of other places I imagine, but if you have trouble finding them, you can order them from Candy Depot for the outrageous price of $12 for 4 tins (of course, their minimum order is $15!).

WARNING: Altoids Tangerine Sours are highly addictive. A Google search turns up mostly blog raves from fans typing on a Sours high. You have been duly warned.

NP: Jefferson Airplane, White Rabbit

A few days ago I went to Subway for lunch. I got a 6″ Veggie Delite™ combo meal with a Coca-Cola® carbonated cola beverage and a 1.5oz. bag of SUNCHIPS® brand Multigrain Snacks. On the front of the SUNCHIPS® brand Multigrain Snacks package was a blurb that loudly advertised that SUNCHIPS® brand Multigrain Snacks contain “30% less fat than regular potato chips.” I was then referred to the back panel for nutrition information. On said back panel, I was informed that, “Fat content of regular potato chips is 10g per serving; fat content of SUNCHIPS® brand Multigrain Snacks is 6g per serving.” Now, I’m no mathematician, but as far as I know, 6g is 40% less than 10g. So why would Frito-Lay avoid making the stronger claim that SUNCHIPS® brand Multigrain Snacks contain 40% less fat than regular potato chips? One possibility immediately presents itself: rounding error. I imagine that SUNCHIPS® brand Multigrain Snacks may have up to 6.5g of fat, and they’d still be able to claim only 6g, whereas a claim of 10g for regular potato chips might be substantiated by only 9.5g of actual fat—a difference on the order of 31%. I’m still not sure why they wouldn’t make the stronger claim that SUNCHIPS® brand Multigrain Snacks contain 31% less fat than regular potato chips. Maybe Frito-Lay thinks a number that doesn’t end in zeros will confuse us all.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE. According to the Nutrition Facts panel on the same package, SUNCHIPS® brand Multigrain Snacks don’t contain 6g of fat—or even 6.5g of fat. Each serving of SUNCHIPS® brand Multigrain Snacks contains a full 9g of fat, 1g of which is saturated.

Huh?

That’s right, folks. The package claims that each serving contains only 6g of fat, and not two inches below claims 9g of fat. This is no rounding error. From the Nutrition Facts panel:

     Serving Size 1 package
     Servings Per Container 1

     Amount Per Serving
     Calories 210	Calories from Fat 80
     Total Fat 9g
       Saturated Fat 1g

There are approximately 9 calories per gram of fat, so 80 calories is consistent with 9g of fat, but not 6g. The catch? When I checked the nutrition information on the Frito-Lay website, I found that the 6g fat statistic applies to a 1oz. serving, whereas the Nutrition Facts panel on my package contained information for a 1.5oz. serving. One would assume that Federal regulations about serving sizes are pretty strict—how does Frito-Lay get away with reporting nutrition statitstics for two different serving sizes on the same package? A quick trip through the FDA Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition website provides the answer:

Certain rules apply to food products that are packaged and sold individually. If such an individual package is less than 200 percent of the applicable reference amount, the item qualifies as one serving.

More details may be found in the FDA Food Labeling Guide Ch. 5.

According to Title 21 of the Code of Federal Regulations, section 101.12 (21 CFR 101.12), the Reference Amount Customarily Consumed Per Eating Occasion for any type of snack food is 30g (just a hair more than an ounce). When making relative (or comparative) nutritional claims, the comparison must be made to an “average nutrient value” for a particular reference food. If nutrient values vary notably from product to product (which they are likely to do with regular potato chips), some average value must be used and the details must be provided to consumers and regulators upon request (more details may be found in the FDA Food Labeling Guide Ch.6 and in 21 CFR 101.13). Frito-Lay’s comparative claim about fat content must be based on a 30g serving (hence the 6g fat for SUNCHIPS® brand Multigrain Snacks) even on a 42.5g (1.5oz.) package (which still qualifies as a single serving because it is less than 60g).

Problem Solved. ■

NP: Mates of State, Über Legitimate

Across the street from my office is Union Station. I frequently go there to get coffee, lunch, and trains home. This morning I needed a second cup of joe to fuel my engines, so I went over around 10:00am. As I walked into the building, I passed a rather unkempt and dirty man standing around—none too uncommon at Union Station. What caught my eye and stuck in my head was his t-shirt. [sidebar: I’ve never understood what to take away from seeing someone wearing clothing with catchy phrases or ads or brand marks. Are they saying, “Look at me, I buy cool clothes,” or, “This phrase/product/brand resonates with my self-conception,” or, “I’m precisely the sort of person whom this product targets; no need to read into me any further,” or, “I wear stuff without much regard to what’s on it, and this shirt was cheap/free/a gift/found on the street,” or something else entirely? Dunno…] This guy’s shirt was royal blue (where it wasn’t dark with dirt) and featured bold white letters on the front: H O B O. Well. No confusion here.

Upon exiting the Station to return to work, I was presented with quite a spectacle. A gentleman (I use the term loosely) wearing a red t-shirt emblazoned with scriptural references was holding up a picket-type sign, hung on a cross, that informed me: It’s not enough to be good! You must be born again! Read the Bible (John 3)! He was also passing out small squares of paper. On one side, it simply said, “Jesus.” On the other were biblical references, presumably verses that would lead the reader to the same spiritual enlightenment this gentleman enjoys. I was possessed of an urge to make my own sign and picket right next to him. I think mine would say simply: Read Voltaire! I would also pass out excerpts from the Philosophical Dictionary. Oh, to have some posterboard…

NP: Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci, Face Like Summer

If you’re viewing this page on a screen in a browser that supports CSS, take a gander over on the right [that way →] and look under the navigation menu. There’s a box labelled :skin me:. Clicky–clicky. Go ahead. Have fun with it. Let me know what you think.

I’m just beginning to experiment with alternate designs, and right now that amounts to playing with color schemes. Since I have no eye for design, I’m keeping things relatively simple. Three notes of explanation, however, are in order: (1) the ‘orangey’ skin is an homage to JoATv2.1, which was itself an homage to JoATv1.0. Orange and blue were my high school colors. (2) The ‘Teague’ skin is named for my friend Teague Ruder, who suggested the color scheme. I think he meant it as a sick joke, but I kinda like it—in a sick sort of way. Makes me think of salt-water taffy. At any rate, you can blame him for any illness or psychological trauma you experience from viewing it. (3) Yes, I am aware that these don’t really constitute ‘skins’ because there are no differences in the layouts. This is likely to change in the future if I overcome my tremendous laziness. Be patient with me. I’m learning.

Please feel free to comment below (just click on the Comments (n) link below this post). I desire feedback. Thank you.

NP: Godspeed You Black Emperor!, Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven

Paul Krugman’s article [free registration required] in today’s New York Times takes a quick swipe at New Jersey’s former Gov. Whitman before redirecting his attack on BushCo.™* The article is terse and devoid of detail, but sums up the situation pretty well. Here’s an excerpt:

The only reason Tennessee doesn’t look like Argentina right now is that it isn’t a sovereign nation; since the federal budget was in good shape until recently, there’s a safety net. And the federal budget was in pretty good shape because the Clinton administration, unlike state governments, behaved responsibly. Budget projections were honest—if anything, too cautious—and boom-year surpluses were used to reduce debt.

*The BushCo. name belongs to Tom Tomorrow.

On another note entirely, here’s a great page of Linguistics Fun. Enjoy.

NP: more radioio—Midnight Oil, Say Your Prayers

WELCOME TO JOKEOFALLTRADES (JoAT) v2.2!!

I’ve finally done it. I’ve gotten rid of that horrid page I designed three months ago and have replaced it with something slightly less horrid. I hope you like it. At least, I hope you dislike it less than the last version. Over the next few days, I’ll convert the rest of the site to conform to the new format, with a few additional changes in places to keep things lively. Oh, I do hope you like it!

JoAT v2.2 offers the following advantages over its predecessor:

• It looks prettier
• It’s more customizable
• It’s easier to maintain
• It makes me happier

I don’t know if you care about any of that, but I certainly do. And since I’m probably the only person who reads this page, I’m the one I care about. However, JoAT v2.2 now also features comments from readers, should there be any readers of a disposition for making comments. At any rate, readers now have the ability to leave comments, whereas before they were silenced by my authoritarian access restrictions. Links are at the bottom of each update. Comment away.

If you absolutely must use the old page, I offer you a last look here. However, JoAT v2.1 is no longer supported, so use at your own risk. Caveat Emptor.

While I was riding the city bus home yesterday, a man boarded the bus holding a newspaper close in front of his face. He proceeded to walk down the aisle to the back of the bus, using the newspaper to prevent anyone from noting the features of his face. He sat down in the last seat, slid into the corner, and continued to hide his face. And that’s when I noticed them: video cameras had been placed in the bus at regular intervals along the ceiling. He was hiding from them. I saw his face briefly as he slid the window closed—no disfigurement, nothing to hide, except the details of his identity. I don’t know why, but the mere suggestion of criminality made my skin crawl. I have never wanted to be somewhere else so desperately as I did yesterday sitting on that bus. I exchanged furtive glances with other passengers, who seemed equally disturbed by the man’s behavior. When we reached my stop, I carefully noted the man’s clothing, height, build, the headline of the newspaper page he had not turned for the entire ride, every possible detail I could imagine being questioned about in the aftermath of some horrible event. I got off the bus, noted the bus number, and walked home, relieved. I survived another day in this forsaken town, but just barely, I’m sure of it.

NP: radioio streaming radio, .wma 128K